How I Overcame Decision Fatigue on My Birthday (And How You Can Too)
Okay, let's talk about something real: decision fatigue. If you have ADHD, you'll know exactly what I'm saying.
It's that mental burnout that happens after making one too many decisions—big or small. You've probably had it happen when you're deciding what to wear, deciding what to eat for the day, or even deciding what to do on your birthday.
And trust me, that last one can get pretty messy.
I recently reached rock bottom with decision fatigue while trying to organize my birthday.
The short version: it was a hot mess.
But after all the hemming and hawing, I managed to sort out a way to wrestle the chaos back into control and push forward.
So I decided to share with you my story and how you can apply these techniques to remain out of the decision spiral.
Decision Fatigue + ADHD = A Recipe for Disaster
Decision fatigue sets in when your brain gets depleted from having too many options.
And if you have ADHD, that depletion is even greater because your brain is already working in overdrive to maintain focus and deal with tasks.
Small decisions turn into mountains. And the more decisions you must make, the worse it is.
I experienced this myself when I was planning to prepare for my birthday.
My original plan? A trip to Florida. Then a massive flight crisis struck as a result of one plane crash after another, and my anxiety skyrocketed completely.
I suddenly didn't know where I was heading or even what I would do.
Should I stick near home?
Should I be traveling somewhere else?
Should I just cancel everything and take a nap?
I was paralyzed by choice.
How I Survived My Birthday Decision Fatigue
This birthday choice started off with a whole lot of "What the heck am I going to do?" I couldn't figure out if I wanted to chill, relax, or some place more active but crowded.
Procrastination came in next. I was continually flipping my brain back and forth, but something didn't feel right.
I didn't want to go too crowded or too out there in the middle of nowhere. Then it hit me: keep it simple.
After much to-and-fro, I finally settled on a low-key plan: something simple.
With my husband's prodding (thank God for him), I chose something that was not too complicated and low-key.
And guess what?
It was just what I needed.
Sometimes, overthinking just adds to the stress.
But that wasn't the initial time I was overcome with decision fatigue that day.
When I visited to get my nails done, the same thing occurred. I hemmed and hawed about colors and designs for eternity. I'm talking about eternity.
Do I be bold?
Do I be basic?
Do I go neutral or bright?
Eventually, I told the nail technician to just freestyle the design, and guess what?
It turned out great!
Having the freedom of not having to decide on everything was a lifesaver.
What You Can Learn from This Chaos
I get it, options can appear to be piling up and you don't know how to break free from the madness. But there are ways of managing decision fatigue so that it doesn't manage your life.
Below are some tips that work for me, and they can work for you, too:
1. Limit the Decisions You Make
This is huge for people with ADHD. The fewer choices you make, the higher. Start off by simplifying your routines—what you eat, what you wear, entertainment. For example, prepare all of your food for the week so you're not faced with making a daily choice of what to eat. If you plan out your wardrobe in advance, you won't be left spending hours gazing at your closet.
2. Use Tools to Stay Organized
Get some structure into your life. Checklists, calendars, and even ADHD-sanctioned apps can save you from spiraling. Writing down your to-do's keeps you organized regarding what needs to be done without needing to make a decision every time you think about it. Further, using timers or the Pomodoro Technique (work for 25 minutes, then break for 5 minutes) can keep you focused and work through tasks without being overwhelmed.
3. Just Prioritize
Not everything has to be a priority. It's easy to get overwhelmed in attempting to decide everything at one time. Rank what really does matter. Cut through the chaos and get on with the serious stuff first. Trust me, you don't need to muddle through all the decisions. My birthday? I made it easy because I knew the rest of the choices would just upset me.
4. Let Someone Else Take the Wheel Sometimes
This is a doozy. If you're in a rut, ask for help. Don't be afraid to let someone else handle something. I was trying to figure out what to do on my birthday, and my husband rescued me by pointing me in the direction of something low-key. Whenever possible, have someone else handle a decision or two, even something as minuscule as picking a nail color or where to eat dinner.
5. Use a Framework for Big Decisions
Having a plan helps a lot. If you're going to make a bigger decision (like travel plans or something work-related), use a simplified model to decide. If you're taking too long to decide, divide the decision into parts. I like to put time limits on decisions. If I don't figure it out within 10 minutes, I make a choice and stick with it.
6. Take Breaks—Seriously
Your brain needs rest, especially when you’re juggling a million decisions. Take frequent breaks throughout your day. Step away from work, take a walk, or even just lie down for a few minutes. This helps clear your mind and avoid feeling totally drained.
7. Give Yourself Permission to Say “I Don’t Know”
You don't have to make all of your choices perfect. Every once in a while, you can just let off the pressure. If you are stuck, feel free to say "I don't know" and try something else. The world won't end if you didn't select the perfect birthday vacation spot or nail color. Actually, accepting imperfection might make you less tense.
To sum it all up, decision fatigue isn't funny, especially when you have ADHD. But it doesn't have to control your life.
The trick is to keep it simple, have boundaries, and realize that not every decision needs to be "the right decision."
From my birthday adventure to getting my nails done, I learned that the best choices happen when you refrain from overanalyzing and simply let go of needing to be perfect.
So the next time you find yourself stuck in a decision-making mode, make it simpler. Prioritize what matters most, step away, and get help when you need it.
Trust me, it'll make a world of a difference.
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My Birthday Reflection on Growth with ADHD
Today is my birthday. And honestly, most birthdays once used to have a tinge of bitterness for me. There was always this undertone of sadness underlying the celebrations, because my mom isn't with me anymore.
Not being able to celebrate this day with her, not getting to hear her voice or catch her hug, left an aching gap which felt hard to fill.
A photo of my beautiful Momma, Dorothy W. Jones, on the right and my, her twin, Netta on the left. This is one of my favorite photos that I will always cherish♥️♥️♥️
But somewhere along the way, I've grown to accept that grief and temper it into something different—into joy, into gratitude, into living my life in her honor.
And today, I am complete. I am at peace. I am at ease. I am ready—with open arms—to welcome whatever God has in store for me.
Reflecting on 42: A Year of Miracles
Looking back over this past year of my life—age 42—I can see how far I've come.
I have accomplished more in one year than I ever could have imagined, and honestly, more than many get to accomplish in a whole lifetime. And I don't say this triumphantly—I say it gratefully.
New Callings and Creative Courage
I began a new profession (my 4th and final career) as a birth and postpartum doula, stepping in intentionally and working with families through some of their most sacred moments.
I launched two publications on Substack, Vent to Victory, where I turn vents of day-to-day life as an ADHDer, mom, wife, and Black woman in America into a victory. The main publication is ADHDventures in Homeschooling, where I talk about the life of homeschooling as a mommy with ADHD, the goods, the chaos, and gratitude.
I began a blog, a podcast (Chatterbrain Mommy), and an e-book that is deeply personal and emotional to my journey.
Connections That Became Chosen Family
With all that, I've encountered some of the sweetest souls—those who've not only advised me but who now are friends, sisters, and chosen family.
They've invested in me just as I've learned to invest in others.
The Radical Shift: Choosing Myself First
But perhaps the most revolutionary of this journey? I've learned to put myself first.
As someone with ADHD, that hasn't always been intuitive. We get pulled in by the hustle, by the whirl of overthinking and overstimulation, constantly chasing after the next thing or trying to "catch up."
But this year, I took my foot off the gas.
I learned to sleep without guilt.
I embraced quiet.
I re-established my spirituality, deepening my connection with God in a way that keeps me centered no matter what's going on around me.
I began to turn about the old habits and replacing them with intentional routines. I found joy within myself. I stopped waiting for peace and instead learned how to create it.
A photo of me as I embrace the beautiful bloom of many flowers, meaning many opportunities arise as I walk in my purpose.
A photo of me as I am so joyful. These flowers were given to me by my baby daughter on my 21st anniversary on 4/13/2025.
Walking Boldly in My Purpose
That's why I'm still strutting my stuff confidently in my ministry as an ADHD life and wellness coach. In spite of the bumps, in spite of the doubt, I know this is what I am called to do.
My coaching website will be live in a few weeks, and I'm already taking pre-appointments.
I've had single-session work that has reminded me how desperately this work is needed—and I'm just so blessed to be creating a successful business where I can come fully, not only for my clients, but for my family as well.
Welcoming 43: A Year for Blooming
This year, 43 is going to be about growth and establishment. Last year was establishing—putting the foundation down. This year is about watering the seeds that I planted last year and watching them bloom.
So stay tuned. God’s not done. I’m walking in my purpose, with love in my heart, and fire in my spirit—and I’m ready to help others do the same.
